The silence was fast becoming his enemy, the emptiness of it constricted him. Engulfing Speedle not like a warm blanket but more like a straight jacket. Able to move but unwilling he sat on his couch as another evening slipped by. The once inviting tv screen was black, quieted down with the push of a button and closing his eyes he wished he could do the same to his mind. But right now there were so many thoughts blurring together in a jumbled mess. Mostly colored with Horatio of course but then of Eric Delko and Calleigh. The pair were now a happy couple, which didn’t surprise anyone in the least. Eric had long since settled down from his playboy ways and connected with his attractive female partner, the two bonding quite nicely. He had never seen the pair as happy as they are now. At the moment, Tim shifted his attention to his cell phone he had long since felt that flutter of his heart, the increase in his breathing patterns when he expected it to be Horatio. Hope was quickly dwindling and while he still had patience the depression he began to felt was almost crippling.
When Horatio first had left him, Timothy felt nothing of the sort. He knew Horatio would be back, he knew Horatio needed him. But that cockiness soon morphed into sorrow as days merged into weeks and weeks to months. Tim was mourning someone who hadn’t even passed away. Regretting all the times he had abused Horatio, tormented him. Anger had long since passed as he had blamed the red head for what he had done, what Horatio had allowed him to do. Tim had realized that was a fallacy of course, it was his own fault.
Near to the final ring, Timothy stood up and snatched the phone from his table, pressing Send he put the phone to his ear and right away there was a relaxed exhale of breath.
“Speed? You there man? C’mon. I can hear your beard growing.” Eric joked. Bantering with his friend like the old days, at least that was what Eric wanted to think.
“You can stop hounding me I’m fine.” The snap to his tone had lessened in the past few weeks which had upset Eric. Clearly the fight was going out of his friend. Tim seemed oblivious to the worry.
“I’m not hounding you, I’m checking up on you.” Eric countered in a somewhat huffy tone. There was a faint commotion in the back ground and Tim heard a muffled but still ever chipper voice.
“Tell him to come over! We can have a game night.” It was Calleigh of course.
Groaning inwardly his friend had already sputtered out a reply without Tim having to say a word. “Cal I don’t think Tim is up for game night.” The phone was being toyed with, pulled away from Eric as Tim heard more muffled sounds but nothing coherent. Tim sighed. Ever since Tim became even more introverted Eric had gotten worried to the point of calling him near everyday.
Eric had once told Calleigh that Tim reminded him of a dog that lost it’s owner. Waiting diligently by the front door for him to come back. To come home. Maybe that was it, Tim needed a focus, something tangible to love. Not just a fuck.
Coming back to the phone, Tim felt the faint burn of a headache forming behind his eyes. Sitting down again he could hear, suddenly, the strain in Eric’s tone.
“Tim..” The Cuban started and then trailed off and Tim knew this was going to be bad. Rarely did his friend ever call him Tim. The somber tone told him to prepare for the worst.
It was all he needed to hear, the rest of what Eric was telling him..Tim didn’t care about. Images of Nico began to flash through his inner mind just as crisp and clear as if it were happening all over again. The first time meeting him, the smug tone in which the man spoke to him. The raw power of him, the reach he had, the connections, the drugs, the violence. The night Tripp and he.. when they.. And Tim shut down that line of thinking almost as instantly as it began. The people of Miami had chosen their new leader. Given him access to everything.
Still half listening to Eric, Timothy touched the remote and the tv came back to life in an instant. Walking over to the modest flat screen tv he took no comfort from the glow. Down at the bottom of the screen a large ever moving ticker cut into some of the picture, informing the viewer that the results were in and Nico had triumphed in a landslide victory. Nico was looking sharp to say the least after shedding practically all of his past save for the faint jagged scar. Tilting his head, Tim kept his eyes trained on the person in front of him, sort of. Still muted, Tim merely stood with the remote half in his hand, fingers loosely clutching the device. Nico was handsome of course, animated, ecstatic. Another familiar face was right next to him, perhaps a ‘handler’ but Tim knew better. It was Joey. Those same sharp blue eyes, scanning the crowd, laughing with the others but also keeping a wary eye out for anyone heading towards Nico that he was unfamiliar with. Though his face still held that baby-like quality, the large calloused hands and the well built exterior told Timothy that this man was no one to fuck around with. Joey was upset at what had occurred those years ago, to put it mildly and he would never let anything like that happen again.
Keeping an eye on the tv, Timothy began to pace slowly, deliberately. Nico. Oddly enough there wasn’t that wave of rage he used to feel but there was a spark in him. Something rekindled in his stomach, maybe along with the horrifying memory of Nico was the more pleasant, loving ones from Horatio. The two people were now intertwined in his mind, Horatio and Nico.
“Speed? You there? I..”
It was Delko again and before he could continue, Timothy cut him off.
“I’m fine Eric, really. I’ll talk to you soon.” And before the man could counter, Tim hung up the cell and tossed it over to the couch, all without taking his eyes off of the tv. Watching Nico move so fluidly between politicians and the rich.
Not for the first time in his life, Timothy wondered if the CSI job was right for him. Tim did have a passion for it but moreso when Horatio was around. Tim so desperately wanted his approval at work, wanted to make Horatio proud and once that was taken away from him, Tim felt the job alone wasn’t enough. And now with Nico having full reign of just about every government process, Tim didn’t know what to do.
“I wish you were here.” The words were so soft and so pitiful they sounded foreign to his own ears. Tim felt his team needed the red head more than anything right now. To rally them, protect them as he had done so many years before. Dr Ray Langston was a fine leader and once Grissom had gotten back from his hiatus the man left Vegas and came down to Miami, filling the void left by Horatio. It wasn’t the same by a long shot but the man was a fine mix of fair and tough with a bit of quirkiness thrown in. Wolfe seemed to settle in somewhat easier than Eric, who was having a rough time with Horatio leaving. As did Calleigh but the pair had each other for comfort. Eric and Wolfe had gotten off to a bad start but the two seemed close now, especially with Timothy pulling away more and more. Alexx had dealt with things in her own way, quietly but giving Timothy easy touches to his hand once in a while. The two shared a moment of little smiling here and there, each of them knowing the other was there for them. Which was enough for Timothy. Alexx knew, or assumed, Tim was the reason Horatio had left. She loved Timmy like a son but was hurt that the scruffy man forced Horatio to leave a job he so adored and was so right for. It was a damn shame really.
Soon after Horatio ventured back to where ever he was going, Catherine Willows packed her things and most likely headed to Vegas, headed to Gil Grissom. Not that Timothy cared really, the two barely spoke unless it was work related and even that was strained. New people were hired, Walter was one of them. A rather large black man, young, teddy-bearish and pretty funny. Got along with Wolfe very well. Natalia, whom Tim assumed had a fling with Eric since the two were pretty chummy and then back off of each other for a while. She was somewhat flakey at first but grew into the job. None of them had any idea of what Nico was capable of. What the people of Miami brought onto themselves and Tim was a breath away from leaving them to it. Let them suffer as his old team did, let them deal with Crow and Joey and whoever else. Tim was tired of it.
A knock at the door startled him visibly and Tim grunted. Already on edge just from seeing the familiar face of Nico. He wouldn’t allow that to happen again, wouldn’t be caught off guard by the suave man as he was at their first meeting when Tim assumed he was some street punk. Taking a quick breath, Tim headed for the apartment door and flung it open. Standing there without cover, without a weapon, if it was Nico he figured they would finish this now, get it over with. Instead he was met with amused green eyes.
“Interesting way to greet me.” The tall, slim man brushed Timothy aside and the fascinating thing was that Tim allowed himself to be moved almost absently.
The lanky man sat down on the couch, “I assume you’ve heard.” Noam used a low almost reverent tone. He hadn’t known every detail about what happened with Horatio and Timothy and Nico but he knew enough that it was a sensitive subject.
Tim kept his eyes towards the floor for a moment before looking up. Liam was handsome of course, red hair parted neatly off to the side but shaggy near his bangs. When Tim slide his fingers through the fine hair..he felt nothing. Liam knew this, knew who Timothy truly wanted and he was unaffected by that. His wife had no idea of Liam’s newfound proclivities and Tim was content to keep it that way. Tim had become an ‘on the side’ lover apparently and these days, that didn’t really bother him.
Liam normally kept his private life private and kept his family to himself. Tim didn't know why Liam was cheating on his wife, he never asked. But he did notice Liam always took his ring off when he was with Tim and that showed that Liam had at least some respect for the sanctity of marriage. Whereas Timothy did not, not right at this point in his life at least.
“Eric just called me.” His tone was quiet but not soft since his usual rasping voice wouldn’t allow for soft. Plus, much to Liam’s dismay, Tim had started to smoke when Horatio left and the taller man had desperately tried to make Tim give that nasty habit up but to no avail. Numerous times he had joked that Tim really did need Horatio back, so the scruffy man could give up one addiction for another.
“What are you going to do?” Liam inquired carefully.
With a shrug, Tim gave the man a sardonic smile, “The fuck can I do? We the people elected the right man for the job. I’m sure he’ll help clean up this corrupt city.” Tim noted without a trace of humor, or..a trace of anything really. That made Liam slightly uncomfortable.
“Look, Timmy..” Liam started off.
“I told you not to call me that!” Tim snapped.
Liam held his hands up, palms out, “Relax Tim. Okay? I’m not the bad guy here.” Standing up, Liam tried to move closer to Tim but the younger man simply tensed and Liam sighed. Alright, Tim was having one of his moments apparently. No more talking. Got it. With a quick strike, Liam snaked his arm out and snatched a handful of Tim’s shirt, hauling him over and into a rough kiss.
Tim was distracted but quickly adapted, his mouth opening wide for the invading tongue and the last image he saw was of course a few wisps of red hair. That was how it always was, it triggered that deep seated need in him for Horatio Caine. Tim never fought that, never pretended otherwise. He reveled in it, fed off of the long dormant emotions that thinking about Horatio stirred up once more. But tonight was different and Tim shoved the man away, taking in a long hearty breath.
Liam knew instantly and nodded, breathing a bit heavy himself. Shame. He came here for a good lay but he knew when Tim was in one of his fits, it was better to look elsewhere. Exiting the small apartment, Liam managed to pick up a few things on his way out. Empty pizza box, a few socks strewn about…small gestures that again reminded Tim of Horatio and right now it was unbearable.
A few pieces of paper lay across the top of his stain worn coffee table. Half finished notes that he was supposed to send to Horatio along with the ticket.
It’s been so long..too long and…
Horatio it’s all my fault. Please come back, please help me. Help us.
I can’t do this without you.
But they were all left there, even after these few weeks. The more Tim read them, the more selfish they sounded. Truth was he did need Horatio but he didn’t want the man to feel he had no other choice but to come back. He wanted Horatio to come to Miami on his own terms. The plane ticket wasn’t about the money, he knew how smart Horatio was with his paychecks. Tim just wanted him to see how serious he was. Wanted him to feel like Tim was making the first step.
The final note he chose was something fairly simple and to the point. Much like Tim himself.
I love you, Horatio and I miss you. It’s hard, writing this and I don’t even know if you want to hear from me or not. Fact is, we want you back home. Back where you belong. We need..I need you here. I know that sounds selfish but it’s the truth. So much has happened between us, can we really just drift apart?
And that was it. In the end it truly was a selfish letter, a selfish act to send it but he could not stop himself. He had to know what Horatio was up to, even if it was just a simple letter. Ah Tim was never much for long winded responses anyway.
About to head to the kitchen he heard that familiar buzz of his cell phone. Right now, the fact that it could have been Horatio on the other line was the furthest thing from his mind and he clicked send,
“What?” Came the gruff reply. Expecting it to be another co-worker asking how he was doing. Ugh.
And then, then he heard that familiar but not tone. That voice and Timothy closed his eyes. “Horatio?” Tim paused by one of the large windows in his loft apartment. The ceiling to floor opening was draped with thick black curtains. Tim tentatively reached out, lightly brushing aside one of the panels, peering down onto the street from the fifth floor of a rather oldish stout brick building where he now lived as if to see Horatio standing there below in the sunset, drenched in the typical orange glow from the dying light.
Of course he wasn’t there and Tim tentatively spoke again, “I didn’t think you’d..well it was a while since I..” Tim didn’t know what to say, even though there was so much they had to talk about.
“I miss you.” Tim kept his tone even save for a slight tremble. Then it relaxed more, “I miss you Horatio.” He practically sighed the words out, they felt good to say. To get off of his chest. “I’m so sorry.” Tim went on, almost sounding confused. Confused as to why it took him so long to apologize.